The art of active listening.

When you listen to public speakers talk about a certain subject matter, all you basically need to do is open your ears. However, speaking to someone face to face is another dynamic altogether. You communicate with people to get your point across to let them know about how you think and feel. It’s different when you are addressing the audience. Oftentimes, you are too far for them to see your nervous habits, facial expressions, and personal quirks.

But when you have to speak to converse with someone on a more personal level, you have to really become aware of the person. This is when active listening comes into play. Situations like these require a higher level of listening skills. You are required to maintain eye contact, read body language, take note of the silences between sentences, and try not to make too many assumptions.

Why are all these important? First of all, maintaining eye contact lets the other person know that you are interested in what they have to say. They are likely to open up more when the other person shows concern. When it comes to body language, this actually reveals a lot about you are about the person you’re talking to. Don’t slump or fidget, instead, lean slightly forward without invading too much of their personal space. You must be engaging without necessarily scaring the other person off.

Maybe the hardest thing about communicating is keeping quiet. You should leave some room for silence, and mind you, they don’t have to be uncomfortable at all. These may be moments when both parties have to contemplate on what has just been shared. By allowing these moments of silence, you also give the other person a chance to continue without offending them with any form of rebuttal. You are basically required to fully take in everything said, digest it, and then respond to it. Of course, this also means that you already know what they are about to say next. Ideal communication happens when both doors are opened.

Because words are not always perfect mediums to convey meaning, you have to know that people sometimes say less than intended or more than needed. You really need to take into consideration everything about the other party. Your communication will be more effective if you watch for cues. When it is your turn to convey something very important, expect the same kind of respect you’ve given them and make sure that your listener is engaged.

Paying attention to each other’s listening style, you get to build solid relationships and healthy friendships. Because you make yourself aware of the other signs, you may find that you also pick up on their unspoken words. Show interest so that you prompt others to communicate more with you more effectively.

Active listening could therefore be the basis for every friendship. You allow others to open up to you because they know that they will not immediately be judged. Although you cannot always accurately tell what lies behind their words, you will sense that there is something more. All you need to do then to assist them and show that you are sincere with your interest.

Believe me, active listening make ALL the difference.

Are you listening? Really listening?

You meet people along the way, people you have very little in common with. Somehow, you find yourself occupying the same room, and then you’re forced to acknowledge that person. Making simple conversation can become very difficult. In fact, small talk doesn’t really amount to much, especially if it’s forced.

All of us intuitively know when we are about to have a difficult conversation with somebody. Yet, there are still a few of us who do not have any trouble striking up random conversations. Usually, difficulty happens when we know that there is a likely chance that negative feedback will occur. Some conversations may also seem difficult because we think that there are just too many things at stake. We have already taken a position wherein a retraction will lead to embarrassment. Which is why, it is important that we reflect on things before we put our foot in our mouths.

Below are a few guide questions we must ask ourselves before we get into a form of interaction:

1. What do I want from this conversation?
2. What can I expect from it?
3. What sort of fears will crop up midway?
4. Am I making assumptions about the person I’m about to talk to?
5. Am I willing to listen and understand?

For interaction to be successful, we need to step out of the box and be objective about everything. There are so many things to talk about. You can start by asking about the person and his or her background. Move on from there and try not to put too much into it, otherwise things will just come out too contrived. If the person refuses to make any effort, then stop blaming yourself. After all, it takes two to tango.

People who refuse to open up are less likely to achieve popularity. You need to stop putting all the blame on you. When you meet people like this, all you need to do is nicely walk away. Say goodbye and move on to a more open individual.

You need to understand other people: what motivates them and how they think. More than that, you need to accurately read their body language. People who are genuinely interested will look at you in the eye and listen to what you have to say. To be point-blank about reading a person’s thought needs practice. Get yourself out there and learn. After all, it is only through constant exposure will you learn the ins and outs of a situation. You also need to be in touch with yourself and your code of ethics. It takes practice to observe the dynamics between to people. Then, you need to have the courage to explore the community you live in. Culture plays a big part in forming a person’s frame of mind. Understand what that person believes in and what is important to them. The person will be more responsive if they feel that you sympathize with their beliefs. You need not embrace their principles, but at least you are willing to understand the why’s and what’s of it all.

The success of a dialogue is highly dependent on emotional awareness. When people see that you are trying to understand them and at the same time, give them unobstructed inputs of your views, then they will be more willing to get to know you more.